Getting “spend $500 online at Target on things you neither want, nor need” drunk. TSM.

What I hate the most about hipsters is that they’re judging me for judging them. TSM.

It’s a blonde thing. TSM.

Carnations are the cargo shorts of flowers. TSM.

My parents told me I could be whatever I wanted. I became a bitch. TSM.

I look like a hot mess…but I still look better than her. TSM.

So Cosmo says you’re fat. Well, you kind of are. TSM.

“Don’t delete it! I promise I won’t put it on Facebook!” TSM.

Fasting with your Jewish friend for the holiday. You know…for moral support. TSM.