The stories always being worth the hungover standards meeting. TSM.

Double-fisting Starbucks and a Diet Coke. TSM.

Having nicknames for each boy you’re juggling. TSM.

Every girl before me was a mistake, and every girl after me will be a downgrade. TSM.

Calories consumed at baseball games don’t count, because they’re All-American. TSM.

You’re only as strong as the sisters behind you, the man beside you, and the heels beneath you. TSM.

My degree is not a back-up-plan. It’s a passion. I went to college to learn how to save lives, not bake pies. I already knew how to do that. TSM.

I wear heels bigger than your penis. TSM.