I’ll drink responsibly when there’s a brand of vodka called “Responsibly.” TSM.

Falling asleep cuddling a bottle of Jack. TSM.

Every empty bottle has a story. TSM.

A mixer with us would be good for their reputation. TSM.

Refusing to play his snapchat story. TSM.

Needing a second 21st birthday because you don’t remember the first one. TSM.

I hope the earring I lost in his bed punctures him in his sleep. TSTC.