Dressing up as “shit show” Barbie for a social. TSM.

Instantly finding him more attractive in his letters. TSM.

Having glitter permanently embedded into your carpet. TSM.

Saturday nights are for renewing my subscriptions to standards hearings. TSTC.

All I need to get through today is a little tequila and a whole ‘lotta Jesus. TSM.

Being the go-to matchmaker during formal season, because your boyfriend is in “the hot fraternity.” TSM.

Would it be crazy or ingenious to save my fingerprint to his iPhone for easy access? TSM.

Can I add “TSM Famous” to my résumé? TSM.

“Recruitment video” is a music genre if you ask me. TSM.

Getting “yell at the bouncer for not accepting your Panera card as an acceptable form of photo ID” drunk. TSM.