Planning Instagram captions a week in advance. TSM.

Last night: 8,457. Me: -2. TSM.

Being a boss bitch, not a basic one. TSM.

People still telling stories about your great, great, grand big because she’s a legend. TSM.

Having a signature drunk outfit. TSM.

Drinking wine because it’s classier than beer, and because, hello, it has a higher concentration of alcohol. TSM.

Being the reason Michael’s employees have to stay late. TSM.

Having to go back to a fraternity the next morning to retrieve your wallet, keys, phone, and bag. TSM. Sending a new member to do it for you. TSTC.

When your profile picture featuring your brand new little breaks your “like” record on Facebook. TSM.