When I said retaliated, that guy took me out of all projects saying performance is not good and the reat of the management noticed that odd behavior as I was one of the top performers and clients requested me to be on their projects. Work used to come just because I will be handling it, but despised me for every thing I am and was.
I hear you when I read this article and created an account just to give my views. I am working professional, in my late 30’s. I come from an Asian country. I did face abuse as a kid, from cousin who touched my vagina , and I did not know it was wrong. A neighbor who did the same and I still did not know it’s wrong, but was not comfortable. Both times, I did not speak. I was meek as a kid and we did not have this education back then where I come from. I learnt about abuse when I was an adult. But there was an incident when I was in college that made me speak up for first time and every time from then. A neighbor stole my dress somehow. I was looking for the dress and it ended up in his bedroom. We were living in apartments and apartments there are different from here. And we also hang the clothes outside. That’s when I felt humiliation and it’s my mother who told me that it’s not my fault that it happened and there is nothing to feel ashamed of. Later, a distant relative cane home and tried to flirt with my mother. That person was well into his 70’s and my mother is his wife’s cousin’s wife. My father , when he learnt it, asked that person to not to come home again or even come near by. It was his support for my mother that made me think that we should open up otherwise we will never get the support.
However, years later, when I was working, something else happened. My manager, when we went for outing with team, grabbed a piece of food that I was eating from my plate and gave me a price that he was eating. As per our culture, a married man cannot behave that way with a young woman. That’s the way you behave with your spouse. I was shocked as I did not expect it. And then he started bullying me at work, trying to make me do things I was not ready to do, threatening indirectly that he would give me name as a flirt and that I slept with other men. Again, as per our culture, sex before marriage is not allowed and a big taboo. Its not that we dont do it, but I never had sex till then and I was 28. The men he was referring to are my professional friends and one became a pers ok al friend too later. I discussed this with the person who happens to be my personal friend now and then a colleague and another team manager where I worked when help was required in completing tasks. This person made me realise that it’s not ok to let this behavior go un noticed. I also had the boss of this manager visiting us from abroad and he was also a good friend though we had our differences at work. He noticed this behavior too and he, together with the other guy made complain. I was thinking if I did wrong or if I got his meaning wrong. But , as they said, it was not my fault and i should not let it go. being men, they stood by me, knowing well the controversy they will be dragged into. Controversies happened, at the end, there were many that blamed me, but I did complain and the management asked him to leave. He was removed from projects and given time to find another. Ofcourse, a person in management retaliated later by doing the same for me.
I did have my affairs, but it’s all with consent. Simple thing I learnt is, when there is no consent, no one can touch you, even spouse should move away of we say no. No one but ourselves have a right to touch our body anytime. I teach the same for my kids. I have boys, but even for them, they can get raped or someone can make them do things wrong.
Your doubts are right and good that you shared as I am sure you would be relieved a little bit.
Now, years later, I am glad I did speak up when I did and infact I told my mother about my cousin and neighbor. She understood and supported me. Sometimes, it’s not easy to speak when you get a feeling that you may not be trusted or you may not get support.
Next time someone does something to you when you say no, any girl, they should dare to hit the sensitive area and teach a lesson. I live in USA now, and I do work with little kids back home teaching them what is not appropriate behavior. I started with my little cousin and I do it.
“When you are in doubt, give that benefit of doubt for yourself. Not to the other person. You are important for you, not the other person in situations where your honor is concerned. “. That what I tell them. No one can decide who we are or make us do what we don’t want to do. Be it a male or a female, it’s same rule
When I said retaliated, that guy took me out of all projects saying performance is not good and the reat of the management noticed that odd behavior as I was one of the top performers and clients requested me to be on their projects. Work used to come just because I will be handling it, but despised me for every thing I am and was.
I hear you when I read this article and created an account just to give my views. I am working professional, in my late 30’s. I come from an Asian country. I did face abuse as a kid, from cousin who touched my vagina , and I did not know it was wrong. A neighbor who did the same and I still did not know it’s wrong, but was not comfortable. Both times, I did not speak. I was meek as a kid and we did not have this education back then where I come from. I learnt about abuse when I was an adult. But there was an incident when I was in college that made me speak up for first time and every time from then. A neighbor stole my dress somehow. I was looking for the dress and it ended up in his bedroom. We were living in apartments and apartments there are different from here. And we also hang the clothes outside. That’s when I felt humiliation and it’s my mother who told me that it’s not my fault that it happened and there is nothing to feel ashamed of. Later, a distant relative cane home and tried to flirt with my mother. That person was well into his 70’s and my mother is his wife’s cousin’s wife. My father , when he learnt it, asked that person to not to come home again or even come near by. It was his support for my mother that made me think that we should open up otherwise we will never get the support.
However, years later, when I was working, something else happened. My manager, when we went for outing with team, grabbed a piece of food that I was eating from my plate and gave me a price that he was eating. As per our culture, a married man cannot behave that way with a young woman. That’s the way you behave with your spouse. I was shocked as I did not expect it. And then he started bullying me at work, trying to make me do things I was not ready to do, threatening indirectly that he would give me name as a flirt and that I slept with other men. Again, as per our culture, sex before marriage is not allowed and a big taboo. Its not that we dont do it, but I never had sex till then and I was 28. The men he was referring to are my professional friends and one became a pers ok al friend too later. I discussed this with the person who happens to be my personal friend now and then a colleague and another team manager where I worked when help was required in completing tasks. This person made me realise that it’s not ok to let this behavior go un noticed. I also had the boss of this manager visiting us from abroad and he was also a good friend though we had our differences at work. He noticed this behavior too and he, together with the other guy made complain. I was thinking if I did wrong or if I got his meaning wrong. But , as they said, it was not my fault and i should not let it go. being men, they stood by me, knowing well the controversy they will be dragged into. Controversies happened, at the end, there were many that blamed me, but I did complain and the management asked him to leave. He was removed from projects and given time to find another. Ofcourse, a person in management retaliated later by doing the same for me.
I did have my affairs, but it’s all with consent. Simple thing I learnt is, when there is no consent, no one can touch you, even spouse should move away of we say no. No one but ourselves have a right to touch our body anytime. I teach the same for my kids. I have boys, but even for them, they can get raped or someone can make them do things wrong.
Your doubts are right and good that you shared as I am sure you would be relieved a little bit.
Now, years later, I am glad I did speak up when I did and infact I told my mother about my cousin and neighbor. She understood and supported me. Sometimes, it’s not easy to speak when you get a feeling that you may not be trusted or you may not get support.
Next time someone does something to you when you say no, any girl, they should dare to hit the sensitive area and teach a lesson. I live in USA now, and I do work with little kids back home teaching them what is not appropriate behavior. I started with my little cousin and I do it.
“When you are in doubt, give that benefit of doubt for yourself. Not to the other person. You are important for you, not the other person in situations where your honor is concerned. “. That what I tell them. No one can decide who we are or make us do what we don’t want to do. Be it a male or a female, it’s same rule