“What are you gonna wear?” TSM.

I only use name brand condoms. TSM.

The automatic “she’s not that cute” when your best friend mentions her ex’s new fling. TSM.

Saving your calories for wine. TSM.

Liking him less when he’s wasted, but more when you’re wasted. TSM.

Dry rush is a lot like the prohibition. TSM.

Your most used emoji being the American flag. TSM.

Always making it a double. TSM.