This fact that you don’t recognise all of the above as assault makes me so sad. We women have been taught that unless rape or assault happens like it does in the movies it doesn’t count. This not true, it took me a long time to accept my assault for what it was too and it wasn’t my fault, no matter what warped guilt I feel! The flasher was already acting inappropriately so it’s likely your instinct was right, and you went into denial mode. Unless he looked embarrassed or horrified by it, then on the balance of probabilities he did it on purpose, given his previous behaviour. As for the butt touching, he had no right to touch your butt like that if you were just flirting. He should’ve gauged your comfort zone, by leaning in closer first, seeing if you moved away, if you didn’t then he could try to put his arm around you gently and read your face for any discomfort at any time etc. Instead he just went straight for the butt! He was a kid, hopefully hes changed his behaviour, because a man is not entitled to touch you like that straight away, even if you are flirting! Flirting may be misconstrued, flirting could be just for fun etc. It’s not an automatic invitation to touch someone in whatever place you like. It’s a possible invitation to get closer, if someone is ok with the other getting closer then boundaries need to explored / set with delicacy. As for the second it’s rape, you were passing out you were so drunk, he was drunk too but less so, because he knew what he was doing by holding you and comforting you but then ignoring your wish for him to stop. He should’ve stopped if he was conscious enough to have sex with you. A drunk person cannot consent to sex if they are drunk, he shouldn’t have even tried to have sex with someone who was passing out in the first place!. As for the last one, it’s rape too, he had no right to continue when you asked him to stop, he cannot use you for his pleasure. Moreover, you were in pain and he did not care, he even watched you cry in pain and did not care, I’m so sorry. The fact that you don’t feel worthy of recognising these acts for what they were because you don’t think you’ve been affected the stereotypical right amount for a rape survivor makes me really sad. It took me years to accept / understand that what happened to me was something you can definitely describe as rape. Even though I wasn’t really really affected by it, it still was rape. Moreover, it took me even longer to understand that it did affect me, it did take something away from me and it did affect my life in ways I didn’t even recognise (and maybe still don’t). It doesn’t make any weaker though, or means I let him win etc. it just makes me human. It’s ok to admit it hurt you. Moreover, i realised that even if it wasn’t the worst form of rape imaginable, it was rape nonetheless and my feelings and experiences matter !!! Your feelings matter too !!! #metoo
This fact that you don’t recognise all of the above as assault makes me so sad. We women have been taught that unless rape or assault happens like it does in the movies it doesn’t count. This not true, it took me a long time to accept my assault for what it was too and it wasn’t my fault, no matter what warped guilt I feel! The flasher was already acting inappropriately so it’s likely your instinct was right, and you went into denial mode. Unless he looked embarrassed or horrified by it, then on the balance of probabilities he did it on purpose, given his previous behaviour. As for the butt touching, he had no right to touch your butt like that if you were just flirting. He should’ve gauged your comfort zone, by leaning in closer first, seeing if you moved away, if you didn’t then he could try to put his arm around you gently and read your face for any discomfort at any time etc. Instead he just went straight for the butt! He was a kid, hopefully hes changed his behaviour, because a man is not entitled to touch you like that straight away, even if you are flirting! Flirting may be misconstrued, flirting could be just for fun etc. It’s not an automatic invitation to touch someone in whatever place you like. It’s a possible invitation to get closer, if someone is ok with the other getting closer then boundaries need to explored / set with delicacy. As for the second it’s rape, you were passing out you were so drunk, he was drunk too but less so, because he knew what he was doing by holding you and comforting you but then ignoring your wish for him to stop. He should’ve stopped if he was conscious enough to have sex with you. A drunk person cannot consent to sex if they are drunk, he shouldn’t have even tried to have sex with someone who was passing out in the first place!. As for the last one, it’s rape too, he had no right to continue when you asked him to stop, he cannot use you for his pleasure. Moreover, you were in pain and he did not care, he even watched you cry in pain and did not care, I’m so sorry. The fact that you don’t feel worthy of recognising these acts for what they were because you don’t think you’ve been affected the stereotypical right amount for a rape survivor makes me really sad. It took me years to accept / understand that what happened to me was something you can definitely describe as rape. Even though I wasn’t really really affected by it, it still was rape. Moreover, it took me even longer to understand that it did affect me, it did take something away from me and it did affect my life in ways I didn’t even recognise (and maybe still don’t). It doesn’t make any weaker though, or means I let him win etc. it just makes me human. It’s ok to admit it hurt you. Moreover, i realised that even if it wasn’t the worst form of rape imaginable, it was rape nonetheless and my feelings and experiences matter !!! Your feelings matter too !!! #metoo