Knowing it’s the weekend by looking at your calorie tracker, because more of your calories come from alcohol than from food. TSM.

You wear too much eyeliner for me to take you seriously. TSM.

I can’t date HIM! My first son needs a numeral. TSM.

“Let me check my costume box, I’m sure I can come up with something.” TSM.

Making him double-text. TSM.

Being excited to be five pounds lighter when you get out of the hospital. Oh, and healthy. TSM.

My favorite holiday every month is wire transfer day. TSM.

I don’t know what I miss more from freshman year: how cheap my bar tabs were, or the fact that every boy in school was an acceptable age to date. TSM.