“And by that I mean I yelled for a pledge with an extension ladder to get her bra off the chandelier the next morning.” My name is Sratire and I approve this message.
I’d probably take up hard drugs on a regular basis if my father ever told me he I’d probably be bruised consensually at some point in my life. I get where he’s coming from, but he went way too far.
Well hopefully it will be of more use than that awful Steve Harvey book that my mother subtly bought me with the comment “he says you need to wait THREE MONTHS for *nudge* the cookie.” Couldn’t decide whether to vomit or cry.
“He’s been divorced four times, he works for the Wall Street Journal and the Dow Jones, He believes the CIvil War was based on economics, He correctly guess my shoe size, and his favorite food is a 50 dollar steak” did Would that count?
Hilarious. If you don’t have a terrible date story or seven, you’re probably not attractive enough to warrant one and are married to your high school sweetheart and living in Seattle or something. Right?
I love you too. If I marry him I promise to make you a bridesmaid and have at least one wedding photo with the sides switched so you can have your good side taken.
All I’ve had today is vodka and a zone bar, and this brought me dangerously close to throwing that combo up. Please be more responsible in the future with topic choices.
This. I once saw a guy climb up three stories of a balcony like some kind of freaking blackout spider monkey just to bang on a locked porch door. Find me a chick who would do something like that.
But really, great column. Morons like him can go back to their mail order bride catalogs.
I was with him until he said “tuna sandwich with extra mayo and lettuce”
Does the dude on the right have a manicured landing strip scenario? How creepy.
“And by that I mean I yelled for a pledge with an extension ladder to get her bra off the chandelier the next morning.” My name is Sratire and I approve this message.
Preach, sister. I have one engaged and in seminary school now. Like remember that time you got your third assault charge? No, you probably don’t.
I’d probably take up hard drugs on a regular basis if my father ever told me he I’d probably be bruised consensually at some point in my life. I get where he’s coming from, but he went way too far.
Well hopefully it will be of more use than that awful Steve Harvey book that my mother subtly bought me with the comment “he says you need to wait THREE MONTHS for *nudge* the cookie.” Couldn’t decide whether to vomit or cry.
Thanks for giving me unreasonably low expectations of men, pops.
You can fly commercial out of Teterboro? Why? More serious judgement errors for that poor girl.
Signed, Big Red.
Ah well his business card makes a little more sense now. Thanks, Bama.
“He’s been divorced four times, he works for the Wall Street Journal and the Dow Jones, He believes the CIvil War was based on economics, He correctly guess my shoe size, and his favorite food is a 50 dollar steak” did Would that count?
Vyvanse,
Everyone knows that to get above a 6/10 you have to go to a gay guy anyways.
Hilarious. If you don’t have a terrible date story or seven, you’re probably not attractive enough to warrant one and are married to your high school sweetheart and living in Seattle or something. Right?
This. Completely. Unless you have the misfortune of having a sister with you, in which case the rest of your walk will be shameless ridicule.
I love you too. If I marry him I promise to make you a bridesmaid and have at least one wedding photo with the sides switched so you can have your good side taken.
Pretty faces don’t put a solid roman numeral on your firstborn son.
All I’ve had today is vodka and a zone bar, and this brought me dangerously close to throwing that combo up. Please be more responsible in the future with topic choices.
This. I once saw a guy climb up three stories of a balcony like some kind of freaking blackout spider monkey just to bang on a locked porch door. Find me a chick who would do something like that.