About this weekend: April Fool’s, it didn’t happen. TSM.

Congrats on your rib cage showing! TSM.

Your sorority having its own shot at the local bar. TSM.

If no one knows him, it doesn’t count. TSM.

You know what I got for Valentine’s Day? Drunk. TSM.

Bonding with girls over being a psychotic girlfriend. TSM.

Judging girls for complaining about being single on Valentine’s Day. TSM.

Knowing that you like a girl when you can detect the secret bitch in her. TSM.

Getting “I’ll have one of every slice” drunk. TSM.