Your credit card statement informing you that your life is in fact a constant cycle of coffee, vodka, and bad decisions. TSM.

I don’t have a Tinder to hook up, I have a Tinder because I like attention and knowing guys think I’m hot. TSM.

Watching Legally Blonde and thinking, “Where is Elle Woods’ big?” TSM.

I’d love to see the girl who has the balls to drag me to standards. TSM.

I would rather tell a guy she’s puking in the bar bathroom than confess that she’s pooping. TSM.

Being elected risk chair solely because you are the biggest risk. TSM.

Thank you period fairy for saving me from any drunk hookups this weekend. TSM.

When another sorority’s Standards has you on their list. TSTC.

Writing “not going” in your planner on the dates of something not mandatory. TSM.

Who needs a boyfriend when you have your body pillow and a vibrator? TSM.