Your graduation is a big day, and, just like on any big day, the most important part of the day is ensuring that you get a fantastic Instagram photo out of it. As you sit through your painfully long ceremony, watching people you don’t know, or give AF about walking across the stage and acting emotional, you worry about whether your hair is falling flat, or if your makeup is starting to sweat after hours of being in your personal-sauna of a robe. After all, these photos will be with you for the rest of your life… or at least as your profile picture until something more important comes along. Trust me, you’re not going to get more likes on your photo until your wedding day, so you need to ensure that every aspect of your post is perfect. Everyone knows that no Instagram photo will ever get over a hundred likes without a great caption, however, it’s easy to fall into one of the many graduation day caption clichés. The one that you buy into not only reveals a lot about you as a person, but about how you were as a student during “the best four years of your life.”
“#ClassOf2017”
So you probably weren’t a creative writing major. Sure, you may get sappy about leaving your sorority, roommates and college hookup, but school? You have no idea why anyone is going to actually miss going to 9am class, writing exams, and generally feeling slightly guilty every time you skip out on a library session to do literally anything else. It’s ironic that your caption celebrates your class, while, realistically, the only time you made friends with your classmates was when you needed study notes.
“I did it… even though I spent more time at [favorite college bar] than I did at the library.”
You’re a self identified bar star, and you would really love if others saw you that way too. You genuinely have considered going to grad school at the same college, just so that you don’t need to find a new bar, however due to the amount of time you spent at said bar, you’re unsure whether grad school is even an option. There’s a good chance that you’re going to take grad pictures with some sort of alcohol in hand, which you’ll definitely regret the day your kids ask to see them.
“I just want to thank my mom and dad. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
You might just be a genuinely good person, thanking your parents for either paying for the degree that you’re not entirely sure what you’re going to do with, or dealing with you as you cry on the phone at 2am about the essay that you haven’t started that’s due at 9am the next day (and not judging you too much). Well, that, or you have your parents on social media, and you really want them to pay for your trip to Thailand.
“Now hotter by one degree.”
You can’t wait to sit back and watch the validation come in. “Omg Becky I didn’t know it was possible for you to be any hotter!” You came to school to get your degree, however, it would be a waste to not go husband-hunting during the process. You wonder if you’ll seem too eager if you put your grad picture in your Tinder profile. This degree will be the most important thing you’ll earn… at least until your engagement ring.
“#TBT to prom!”
Ok, so you’re not graduating this year, but you totally will… eventually. It doesn’t hurt to remind everyone that you still have graduated, even though that graduation was technically from high school, it still counts. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to remind everyone how hot you looked at prom, before the Freshman 15 and your love for wine and drunk food started. Besides, that prom dress with the plunging neckline (that your mother really wasn’t happy with) will definitely make you stand out amongst those unflattering black robes.
“I’ll be paying off the debt I owe on this certificate until I’m 80.”
Yes, college is expensive. You know that, I know that. Everyone hopes that it’ll be worth it when you’re eating ramen noodles while staring at your certificate thats worth more than a small house. However, you know what else is expensive? The Louboutins that you decided to “treat yo’ self” to as a graduation present. You’re not allowed to complain about money as you kick up that red bottomed heel… that’s just like, the rules of social media.
“College is hard, there are those who didn’t make it, but I am so happy to say that I did.”
I know that college wasn’t a walk in the park, however, getting your BA degree doesn’t make you any more special than the other hundreds of recent college graduates who shared the same stage as you. Just because your first year roommate dropped out of school after she failed her first year political science course doesn’t make your degree any more valuable. However, during your four years of school, she provided you with a great way to make yourself feel better after every bad grade.
“I can’t believe I graduated with honors. I made so many memories over these four years volunteering with multiple organizations, acting as the president of four clubs, and playing on the varsity team. #TeamNoSleep”
You’ve emailed Linkedin multiple times to see if you can connect your Instagram to your professional page. There’s a good chance that you’ll follow your boss on Instagram after your first day of work (or, if you’ll really cocky, right after your first interview). You roll your eyes when your bar star friend argues that “employers don’t really check out your social media profiles” and can’t believe people are stupid enough to believe that a “private profile” means anything.
“To all the haters who said that I would never be able to accomplish this…”
I hate to break it to you, but no one really cared as much about your grades and success as you think that they did. Yes, I’m sure you got some eye rolls as you dragged your hungover (and possibly still drunk) ass to your 9am lecture. But the people staring at you weren’t concerned about your grades as you sat there, stifling down the urge to throw up during the entire lecture. No, they were just annoyed at how distracted they were by how much you reek of last night’s tequila. .
Nice Move98
Respond
crazygirlfriend
Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at crazygirlfriend.tsm@gmail.com Watch the bitch behind these stories at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrp2D9h3SMk&t=67s
@amanda_h_jones
@amanda_h_jones
amandahjones
