I am probably in the minority here, but I actually don’t mind receiving the occasional dick pic. But the real question isn’t if girls like to receive them — it’s why guys send them to begin with. I can’t say I’ve ever felt the urge to aim my iPhone toward my nether regions and send a snap. So, in the spirit of hard-hitting investigative reporting, the folks at New York Magazine’s The Cut went out and asked some dudes the reasons behind their penis pictorials, and their answers may surprise you.
“I personally am an advocate of the dick pic, because women who want them are usually a little extra cray-cray in the sack. Being told by a woman that she touches herself to a photograph of your uncircumcised schlong is a huge turn-on and lets you know they’re probably on the lower end of the self-esteem spectrum. Nothing more arousing than that. Any fella who says otherwise is totally lying!” — Jason, 24, salesman
Oh, my dear, sweet Jason. You know who else is totally lying? The girl that says that she’s doing that. Odds are she’s at brunch with her girlfriends and showing them all your uncut member while deciding as a group what to text back.
“Most of my recent relationships have been from online dating sites. Most initial interactions are by phone and text. If the conversation gets sexual, it feels natural at times to give the girl a visual of my arousal. I’ve never dick-bombed anyone. She always knows it’s coming, and half the time is the one requesting it.” — Anthony, 37, baker
Anthony, you are doing it right. No lady wants to open a text at dinner next to her mom and be surprised by a one-eyed monster staring back at her. Trust me, I have first-hand experience with this one. I haven’t looked my mother in the eye since Thanksgiving 2015.
“If you’re going to sext with a lady and she shows you a nipple, you have no choice but to send a dick pic. You can’t send a nipple pic back or a ball shot, you gotta get your pecker ready for the spotlight. I like dick pics cause the camera makes your wang look bigger. Plain and simple. Take a few, narrow it down to the top three, and send away. Save the good ones to use later, you never know when you might have to send one out when your current dick state is not up to par.” — Mike, 25, waiter
Who the hell are the girls sending nipple shots? Everyone knows the classiest boob pics are of the hand-bra variety. But I appreciate that Mike understands the value of a good stock photo.
“I send dick pics because — at the risk of sounding cocky (heh, heh) — I have a truly beautiful dick. In a world of tragic penises, I have a stun-gun of a phallus. Women who don’t even like me have slept with me and said, ‘You’re kind of an asshole … but damn that’s a nice dick.’ One time, a girlfriend I was living with applied for a bartending job. I knew the gay manager from another bar he worked at years before. I had his number and sent him a pic of my cock. My girlfriend got the job. My dick helped pay the rent.” — Kevin, 50, comedian
Well, Kevin, for a comedian, I expected a wayyyyyyy better dick pun than that. And somehow I feel like that guy did a lot more to your dick than just get a pic in exchange for your lady getting that job, but who am I to judge? It’s a tough job market out there, you gotta do what you gotta do. But also? 50? Grow up, okay?
“With the wrong cinematography and lighting, the dick pic can be a colossal tragedy. As much as men assume that women will see a dick pic and immediately orgasm, it is yet another of our many failures. If unsolicited, it looks lame and desperate. If solicited, you had better resurrect Stanley Kubrick to shoot it to keep it from looking like a truck-stop memoir. Why do men send them? Because we’re horny. Dumb and horny.” — Rob, 46, software engineer
Rob here gets it. If you are going to do it, do it right. Otherwise, just don’t send it. The only thing worse that an unsolicited dick pic is a bad dick pic..
[via The Cut]
Image via Shutterstock