5. He’s a Bad Kisser
Nothing can take a guy from “Future Husband” to “Lose My Number” faster than a bad kiss. When I was in the eighth grade I was absolutely in loooove with a football player in my biology class. I spent an exorbitant amount of time analyzing details of our every interaction with my friends trying to decide if any of it meant he liked me liked me (SO much has changed). After months of heavy flirtation, biology boy and I finally sealed the deal. That’s right…he asked me to be his girlfriend over AOL instant messenger, we put “I <3 ____” in our profiles with a stupid love quote and the date so the world would know, that we were a couple now. I finally had a “real” boyfriend, and on our first date as a couple, I decided I was going to give my MO virginity to him. IT. WAS. AWFUL. He had a stiff worm tongue, somehow ended up licking my nose and cheek, and I was painfully aware of the fact that another person’s saliva was dripping into my mouth. I shudder at the memory. I swore up and down that this could NOT be what kissing was supposed to be like or else people would have stopped doing it long ago. Needless to say, this was on Friday night, I saw him on Monday and felt my mind and body physically repelling him all day, and after having sufficient time to discuss it with everyone I knew, I broke up with him on Wednesday morning during gym because we were “better off as friends”…because friends don’t have to have your sticky mouth all up in their faces. Puke.
Nice Move857
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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