26 Signs It’s Time To Dump Your Boyfriend

girl getting drinks poured into her mouth by college guys

As much as we all would like our college relationship to resemble that of Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray’s, I’d be willing to bet you a bottle of Burnett’s that the closest your boyfriend has come to college athletics is participating in his fraternity’s beer pong tournament and sports an ever growing beer belly as opposed to Austin Ame’s rain glistened abs. That’s not to say that all college relationships fail. Some flourish and end with marriage, babies, and envy from everyone. But if you’re not sure whether or not the guy who throws up in your shared bathroom every Tuesday night is ~the one~, here are a few signs that you are o-v-e-r your relationship. It’s better to find out now, right?

  1. You find yourself trying to make him finish quickly during sex, utilizing whatever means necessary.
  2. Or thinking “get the fuck off me” when he tries to cuddle you when you’re sleeping.
  3. You feel the need to ask him when the last time he hit the gym was.
  4. Or question his decision to shotgun that 9th beer because like…carbs.
  5. All of a sudden “studying” becomes a legitimate excuse for why you can’t hang out with him.
  6. And “girls’ nights” become seven night a week events.
  7. You start blocking his number when you get into little arguments.
  8. Because you would rather hear silence than listen to his whiney ass complain.
  9. You start dressing exclusively in sweats and t-shirts when you see him.
  10. You download Tinder.
  11. And Bumble.
  12. You nonchalantly change your relationship status just so potential guys don’t think you’re taken.
  13. You start attending other fraternities’ parties and tailgates over his.
  14. You start taking different routes to class to avoid running into him.
  15. You block him from viewing your Snapchat story.
  16. You stop buying his favorite foods so when he gets hungry he’s forced to leave.
  17. And you start only buying Moscato.
  18. You find yourself flirting with every semi-attractive guy you come into contact with.
  19. Even if he’s a freshman pledge and you’re a junior.
  20. You tell him you’ve decided to reclaim your virginity.
  21. You tell him you think you have chlamydia.
  22. You tell him your great Aunt is in town and staying with you.
  23. All because you can’t stand the thought of having sex with him.
  24. You start doing all of his pet peeves including changing the channel when his favorite sports game is on, overcooking the steak, and interrupting his video games to ask which pair of shoes he likes better.
  25. You start having sex dreams about his best friend.
  26. You clicked on this list, hoping for an answer about whether or not you should dump him.

Odds are, it’s time to cut him loose.

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My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. xo

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