Ladies, there’s an epidemic sweeping the nation. It’s not the swine flu, and that Ebola thing is so 2014. No, “butt stuff” fever has come to town, and all of our boys have caught it. If you’ve ever so much as glanced at the comments sections of our articles or you were brave enough to venture to our brother site, Total Frat Move, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Here’s some butt stuff, there’s some butt stuff, everywhere is butt stuff. While I’m all for exploring our bodies and giving into curiosities, I feel like most of us aren’t well-versed in the bottom. So, as your older (sob) and wiser (LOL) internet friend, I’ve decided to continue my educational series and dive head first into #ButtStuff — figuratively, of course.
- White women are the most likely to engage in anal sex, especially if they have a college degree.
BRB, hiding my caucasian skin and my college diploma.
- And apparently, 43 percent of women have experienced this type of backdoor lovin’.
The other 57 percent were way too sober to say yes.
- Common slang terms for anal sex include: backdoor sex, fudge-packing, anal play, rear entry, and doggy style.
If the term “anal” didn’t terrify you enough, there’s always “fudge-packing.”
- Ladies prefer to be complimented on their donk over anything else.
You had me at “I like your ass.”
- A Harvard study theorized that women live longer than men because they have more butt fat.
So yes, fat bottomed girls really do make the (rockin’) world go round. You’re welcome.
- Fisting means exactly what you were afraid that it meant: putting the hand into the rectum.
This activity is rare among heterosexual couples, and will actually make you pass out and regret everything.
- According to every source ever, anal sex isn’t actually painful.
You’re just doing it wrong. The key? Lots of lube, lots of patience, and lots of unclenched butt muscles.
- Sir Mix-a-Lot’s Grammy award-winning song, “Baby Got Back,” came out in 1992.
Yeah. 1992. It’s official. Your parents 100 percent grinded to this song.
- Your glutes are the biggest and strongest muscles in your entire body.
Ass ass ass ass.
- The world record for a powerlifting squat is more than 1,200 pounds.
You know? Squats? The exercise that we never do at the gym we never go to.
- Eight percent of us have regular anal sex.
And these are most likely the same women who never wear sweats, always swallow, and make the rest of us look bad.
- Some species of turtles have the ability to breathe through their butts.
That’s funny, because frat guys seem to have the ability to exhale out of their asses, too.
- The “belfie,” or butt selfie, is actually a thing now.
Kids these days.
- “Rimming” is slang for oral-anal sex.
Because nothing sparks a night of romance like the sentence, “Hey baby. Wanna give me a rim job?”
- J.Lo’s ass is insured for more than $27 million.
If you ever want to feel bad about yourself, just remember: J.Lo’s butt is worth more than you’ll ever be.
- Butt plugs are sex toys that dilate the anal opening and create a sensation of fullness.
I’d like to plug up the mouth of whoever invented this product.
- Kids born to women with wider hips are smarter than those born to slimmer, not “All About That Bass” ladies.
God bless you, child-bearing, brain-growing, Einstein-making hips.
- A 2008 study revealed that women with pear or hourglass figures are smarter than women with smaller butts.
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches.
- “Postillionage” means putting a finger into a butt (usually someone else’s, but hey, whatever).
The fact that it actually has a name is very, very alarming to my asshole and me.
- Kim Kardashian has X-rays of her butt to prove she has no implants.
And there’s no way she could afford to pay off the X-ray tech, so you know it’s true.
- In 2012, a rare species of horse fly was named Scaptia beyonceae, after Beyoncé, because of its gold butt.
Even insects love her. #QueenBEE
- The average person farts thirteen to twenty-one times a day.
But most follow the rules of etiquette: deny, deny, blame the dog, and deny.
- According to author Ray B. Browne society is obsessed with butts, thanks to the fact that jeans made them a “thing.”
And yet you can never find a pair that actually fits you.
- “Butt” also means a large container for wine or beer.
Which explains why guys love them so much.
- Twenty-three percent of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
This explains why the TFM/TSM copier never works.
- The buttocks of some animals turns red when they are ready to mate. Coincidentally, men find women who wear red more attractive.