There are three things in this world I find utterly terrifying. Clowns, cockroaches, and time. Now, the last one is a beast to cover but the other two are pretty self-explanatory. The mere thought of a cockroach is enough to make me run from my apartment screaming at the top of my lungs, and I do my best never to be in the presence of clowns which isn’t actually that hard, as I’m not really in with the carny crowd.
So, for the most part, “American Horror Story” doesn’t, exactly, scare me. I love the show more than life itself, don’t get me wrong. But I watch it more for the kinky sex and the occasional adrenaline pumping moment. The only character that freaked me out in the past was Twisty the fucking clown, which is a given for anyone with eyes. He was the *worst.* But, it looks like that’s all about to change because Ryan Murphy has truly created something horrifyingly different for season seven.
In a recent teaser of the show, a shitton of clowns are riding around in a bus, and basically, that in itself is a GD nightmare.
But wait, it gets worse. When I first saw this, I thought, “Wow, that’s lowkey very upsetting.” But clowns have been a pretty common theme in the trailers so far, so it just seemed like another way for Ryan to fuck with us. But, in a tweet released by the show last night, it looks like the bus might mean something a little different.
It turns out, the clowns on the bus were a clue, and the monsters are headed to Philly. From the look of things, these creepy guys are hitting the road old school and visiting America’s best towns — at least, I hope that’s what’s happening. Now, if they just made a basic Instagram account for the clowns while they’re traveling, I’d be in heaven. Just imagine the feet out the window and the La Croix in hand picture — everything. *sigh* A girl can dream.
Anyway, I digress. In the short clip, it says that “AHS” secrets will be revealed at this meeting, which obviously means you’re all going to die, or someone is going to get to hook up with Evan Peters. Either way, Philadelphians, please let me know because as much as I’d like to be there, getting a flight this late in the day will be more horrifying than the entire election-based season.
If you happen to be in Philadelphia and you’re totally fine with shitting yourself, you have the opportunity to join the AHS Cult tonight. On Friday, August 11 at 7 p.m. at Dilworth Park shit is going. to go. down. Literally. Otherwise, the rest of us will just have to hope that the bus will (or won’t, depending on your threshold for scary clowns in your town) make its way to our homes. Worst case, we all have the next season of “American Horror Story” to look forward to starting on September 5th. Get ready, witches — it’s almost here.
[via Uproxx, h/t Cosmopolitan]
Image via Instagram
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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