I hate the word spirit animal. Let me start off by just saying that. Not only is it now completely outdated, but even when it was “cool” I thought it was just about the dumbest effing thing anyone could say. Like, oh, that celebrity wears cute jackets and also likes to occasionally eat carbs while looking at Justin Bieber? OMG. She totally gets you, right? She’s your spirit animal? STFU and sit down.
But, because there is nothing I like more than to be a total hypocrite and contradict everything that I say, I’m just going to cut the shit and admit that Amy Schumer has and always will be my spirit animal (don’t worry, I hate myself too). But I don’t mean in the bandwagon, “I saw her movie and now think she’s cool” way. In a “I’ve been following her career since before most of you could drive” sort of way.
The thing is, I was never “hot” growing up. I put that in quotations to imply that I was still somewhat pretty but not what the boys would call a smokeshow. As Amy would say, “You’d bang me, but you wouldn’t blog about it. You won’t be Twittering ‘You won’t believe who I’m inside.’ It’s fine.” When I was little I looked like a baby beluga whale who learned how to co-exist amongst the humans. Then, as I got older I learned about the whole “you can hate yourself because you’re not skinny” thing, and I was totally on board. And as a 23-year-old woman who’s body weight fluctuates which each passing year, It’s sort of hell living in this society.
Sure, you have awesome hair. And your face? Yeah. That shit is pretty cute. And you know how to dress yourself and you know how to trick people. You know every angle to post and every secret to Facetune. But when it comes down to it, you’re not “conventionally hot.” Maybe every once in a while, after going on a soul-crushing juice cleanse, you’re actually skinny. But despite telling yourself that you’ll totally stick to your restrictive diet and insane workout schedule, you remember that pizza exists and the cycle starts again.
Or you know, maybe that’s just me. Me and Amy Schumer.
Because for the longest time, Amy Schumer has also battled her weight. But she’s fighting a different fight. She’s fighting one that says “So I’m not a stick figure with a fast metabolism. So my stomach folds and my theighs touch. So I don’t wear a size 2 and I’m not going to be the girl who passes up on a free bread basket.”
As Amy once said, “I’m 160 pounds, and I can catch a dick whenever I want.”
And we all fell in love. And then she posted this, and we all fell in love again.
Taken by the amazing Annie Leibovitz, this picture captures everything. And it says everything. And to a lot of people, it means everything. The topless photo was taken for the 2016 Pirelli calendar which, according to Cosmopolitan, will “feature a number of celebrity women known for talents other than being professionally good-looking in various states of undress.” But instead of just hiding it for herself, Amy decided to do something different. She posted this shocking, amazing, and absolutely perfect picture to Twitter. And the comments? Literal tears.
— leiah (@Lackadazy) November 30, 2015
— Karen McCrae (@farmfreshkaren) November 30, 2015
@amyschumer This is amazing! You look beautiful. So fearless! ❤️
— ju SAW MJ2 (@dirtyjlaw) November 30, 2015
— Erin Balogh (@erinebal29) November 30, 2015
— Amehyst Sunset (@Amethyst_Sunset) November 30, 2015
— Janie Haddad (@janiehaddad) November 30, 2015
— Carlile (@bigskylover2) November 30, 2015
It’s sad that for the first time in a really long fucking time, at lot of us don’t feel as bad about ourselves. If this talented, successful, boss-ass-bitch can post a photo like this, and be like “hey, I’m still hot,” then maybe we are too? Even though we have some stretch marks, or a little bit of fluff on our stomachs, or we’re disappointed in our bodies, maybe we need to remember that it’s okay. That we’re okay. No, we’re better than okay. So, sure. This photo, this message, and this idea shouldn’t be revolutionary. It shouldn’t be trending on Twitter, and it shouldn’t be a big fucking deal.
But it is. And thanks to Amy Schumer, maybe eventually it wont be. Maybe one day we’ll be able to wake up, and not avoid eye-contact with the mirror. Not position ourselves when we sleep, so our boyfriends don’t feel the roll of our stomachs. Maybe we too will be able to sit naked, normally, and feel sexy. And not because we contorted our bodies and not because of Photoshop. But because we are women, and that’s a pretty beautiful thing.
As Amy said on the Pirelli site:
I felt I looked more beautiful than I’ve ever felt in my life, and I felt like it looked like me.
Don’t ever change..
Image via Youtube