I won’t let a man enjoy my company unless he’s in line to own one. TSM.

Using sorority songs as lullabies to sing your little legacy to sleep. TSM.

Dropped my biology class because I didn’t get cell service in the classroom. TSM.

Elle Woods would’ve proven Casey Anthony was guilty. TSM.

“I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food”. TSM.

If it’s not FBO, he’s not your boyfriend. TSM.

Happy Birthday to the cutest President ever, W. TSM.

It makes me sad Charlotte couldn’t have kids but Casey Anthony could. TSM.

Big 10 fans wear jeans and jerseys because yankee legs don’t look good in a dress. TSM.

Having to question whether you’re pregnant or not. NS. Having enough class to shack responsibly. TSM.

Ignoring men wearing pants with belt loops but no belt. TSM.

Daddy suggested my LinkedIn picture not be so “glamorous.” I reminded him that I won’t ever actually need a job. TSM.

Striving to be as smart as Ann Coulter, as nice as Michelle Malkin, and as hot as Megyn Kelly. TSM.

Just because I’m telling you about my supes fun plans, doesn’t mean you’re invited. TSM.

Using a cold wine bottle as an ice pack to recover from last night’s raging. TSM.

Patriotic panties. TSM.

My big is my emergency contact. TSM.

My orthodontist retired after he took off my braces, knowing he’d never be able to make teeth this perfect again. TSM.

Knowing he won’t break up with you, or ever end up on Fail Friday. TSM.

“Hair done, nails done, everything did.” TSM.