Monogrammed cutting board. TSM.

“Never Again” really means “tomorrow night.” TSM.

Happy wife, happy life. TSM.

I have too many pairs of fratshades. TSM.

I lifeguard for the tan, not the money. TSM.

Putting glittered letters on my cap for graduation. TSM.

The Hills marathon. Productivity is dunzo. TSM.

Tanning on the front of Daddy’s yacht. TSM.

Although being in jail is not classy, Martha Stewart is my idol. TSM.

Making a web of how intertwined your hook ups actually are. TSM.

Went to text Tan but my predictive texting typed TSM. TSM.

There’s a difference between homemaking and housekeeping. I do the former, the hired help does the latter. TSM.

Gwenyth Paltrow holding down Stark Industries in five inch stilettos. TSM.

I would have been in the first group on lifeboats when the Titanic was going down. TSM.

Only geeds paint their own toenails. TSM.

iPhones suck for fake drunk texting. TSM.

Crystal Light and Lime Vodka at the pool. TSM.

Never registering as an independent because that word grosses me out. TSM.

Using a high heel as a hammer. TSM.

“Go insane, go insane. Throw some glitter, make it rain.” TSM.