One of my favorite things about spring: watching all the fratdaddys’ knees come out. TSM.

When one of my sisters needs a bow that matches her outfit, they come to my room. TSM.

My 6-year-old sister makes a sandwich every morning before school, and gives it to her boyfriend at lunch. TSM.

Shacking tonight because my room is messy and the maid is coming tomorrow. TSM.

Icing the burn from my curling iron with a glass of wine before going out. TSM.

Getting the door held for you when you’re still 20 feet away. TSM.

Under this large t-shirt, I have a stomach you could only dream to take shots off of, GDI. TSM.

I’m going to be the lawyer my parents always wanted me to marry, and then marry one anyways. TSM.

My first birthday party cost more than the average wedding. TSM.

Wearing high performance fitness apparel as a fashion statement. TSM.

The only length I care about is the length of your boat. TSM.

My bra and panties always match. TSM.

Yes GDI, I do have to squat. I have more than two friends to fit into my pictures. TSM.

Muffin tops go in the oven, NOT around your waist. TSM.

Going through maids like Emily Gilmore. TSM.

On my bedside table: a coozie, a rosary, a 96-box of crayons, and Cosmo. TSM.

No professor, I wasn’t raising my hand, I was fixing my hair. TSM.

Spandex is a privilege, not a right. TSM.

Jackie’s class, Marilyn’s ass. TSM.

I don’t care how thirsty you are, if you are my sister it is NEVER acceptable to be seen drinking from a water fountain. TSM.