Chelsea Handler Just Dragged Angelina Jolie For Divorcing Brad

Chelsea Handler

My ultimate celebrity girl crush has always been Chelsea Handler. She honestly is everything I wish I could be. She’s funny, smart, blonde, and just relentlessly savage. Most comedians will rip into celebs just to bitch out and make some “it’s just a joke, I love *insert name here*!” comment. But not Chelsea. She’s the girl whose voice doesn’t shake when she’s being confrontational and she sticks to her bitchy remarks. If she doesn’t like you, you know it. The world knows it. And she couldn’t give less of a fuck. I love her.

So anyone who has every listened to the gospel that comes out of this hero’s mouth knows her disdain for Angelina Jolie. And not the classic Mariah-ish “I don’t know her” kind of diss. Chelsea doesn’t play that. She doesn’t throw shade, she throws the whole fucking tree. Here’s just a snippet of the years-long feud:

Do you know what lady balls it takes to call someone like Angelina Jolie a flat out “demon”? Naturally, I have been long awaiting Chelsea’s on Brangelina’s split. And Chelsea fucking delivered. In some ways, she went a little easier than she has in the past. But it’s still pretty brutal.

First, Chelsea said:

Brad and Angelina always said they wouldn’t get married until everyone could get married. And I always said I wouldn’t get married until they got divorced. So I’m officially accepting proposals! I’m ready!

Not after being prompted in an interview or even via Snapchat, which seems to be the new favorite platform for celebrities to throw shade. No. Chelsea went on her own TV show and said this to the world. Which I believe to be the ultimate power move. But it gets better.

There are rumors that part of the problem was Brad was allegedly drinking and smoking too much weed. I wonder why he needed to self-medicate. Maybe because he could have been spending the last 12 years at Lake Como hanging out with George Clooney and Matt Damon, instead of being stuck in a house with 85 kids speaking 15 different languages?

Ouch. We are all big fans of philanthropy, and we can’t deny all the good that Angelina has done for others. However, I do think Chelsea has a point. That many kids has to be stressful. Lord knows I start binge drinking just thinking about pregnancy.

She also added in this tweet, just for good measure:

Sure, maybe it’s a little overkill, but then again she is best friends with Jennifer Anniston. And if any one of you were to say you don’t hate the bitch that stole your best friend’s man, well then you’re just not a good friend. No exceptions. Now can Taylor Swift start dating one of Jen’s exes so we can watch her destroy what’s left of T’s career? Keep doing you, Chelsea. BFFs for life.

[via Elite Daily]

Image via DFree /

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.

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