How To Study If You Absolutely Hate Studying


1. Study with a group.
Not so that they can help motivate you to study, but so that you can see firsthand that you’re not the only one who can online shop for five hours straight. While you may not pass your midterm, at least you’ll feel better knowing you’re not the only one who didn’t study.

2. Be a bad influence on your friends.
They’re planning to spend a late night at the library? Drag them to the bar, either by physical force or under the premise of free drinks. After all, if you all bomb the final, the professor has to bell curve it, right?

3. Treat yourself to some intercourse.
Studies show that having more sex makes you smarter, I swear. Text your special friend and ask them if they can come over to edit your essay. While their edits probably made your essay worse (what did you expect asking a science major to edit your literature work), that wasn’t the intention of asking them over in the first place.

4. Show up to your TA’s late office hours.
If you happen to be in that top that makes your boobs look really good, it’s entirely by coincidence. I’m not suggesting that you have to do anything with them besides turn on the charm. Trust me — if you’re able to get ten drinks out of some poor sucker at the bar, then the least you can do is get the answer to question #2 out of this poor creature who has spent the majority of his life writing his thesis.

5. Drink.
Studies show that you should study in the same environment that you write your exam in. Pour yourself some wine for motivation while you study, and sneak a flask into your test for maximum results. In the worst case scenario, at least you’re not wasting time while writing the exam, and using it to pregame.

6. Hit the library, and pack your backpack with some perfume samples and lipstick.
While you may not be studying, at least you can troll the library for boys who are.

7. Make your study notes picture-perfect.
Pull out that Lilly Planner and those multicolored pens. While you’re really only working towards a good Instagram shot of how studious, and Elle Woods-esque you are, you may actually learn something unintentionally in the process.

8. Treat yourself.
One chapter of textbook readings at least equates to a new lipstick, and while you’re online shopping, you might as well add some new concealer and a few face masks since all of this stress is reeking havoc on your skin.

9. Continue to online shop.
Once you’ve put an ungodly amount onto your dad’s credit card, it’ll be easier to realize how much it costs to maintain your lifestyle. Unfortunately, your father isn’t going to be duped into paying off your bills (under the pretense that you just bought textbooks) for the rest of your life, so you at least need a degree to be able to do it yourself.

10. Dress the part.
Head to your exam in that Abercrombie button up from high school and those glasses that you don’t really need. No matter how many questions you’re guessing, you’ll look like you have your shit together enough to intimidate everyone around you.

11. Channel Elle Woods after Warner told her that she couldn’t get into law school.
While you probably won’t get a lot done studying on the floor, you’ll feel sorority girl AF doing so.

Alternatively, you could down that venti Americano, give up a few frat parties and hit the books. But it’s your life.

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Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at [email protected] Watch the bitch behind these stories at:

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