There are a few things in this world that make me feel the burning rage of 1,000 suns (is that a thing? Are suns mad? Whatever). First, of course, is slow walking people. Those assholes who take up the whole damn sidewalk and make you contemplate whether or not you could, actually, get away with murder. Then, of course, there’s the fact that poverty, illness, hunger, and girls who are prettier than me all still exist on this Earth.
And finally, hair trends. God, I fucking hate hair trends.
It’s not so much weird colored hair. That’s not my issue. You wanna go color your hair purple before rolling up to your grandpa’s funeral? Fine! Great! More power to you. It’s the fact that people are trying to normalize this shit by saying it’s trendy. The whole reason you do something wild to your hair is to STAND OUT. By acting like everyone else does it, it totally defeats the point. Besides, if you add every color of the rainbow into the mix, how are you going to know what the hair hierarchy is anymore? I mean, obviously, blondes and hot brunettes have been reigning as queens forever, followed closely by dirty blondes, jet black, mousey brown, bald heads, then gingers. Throw in a fucking crayon box in there and life as we know it will never be the same.
So, when this LaCroix Hair nonsense stating flooding my feeds, I. Was. Not. Having it. What, exactly, is it? Besides the most basic thing to ever exist, it’s just coloring your hair based on colors of LaCroix. Seriously, that’s it.
According to Popsugar:
LaCroix hair comes courtesy of a project the brand Scruples Hair Care dreamed up with eight stylists. The theme of the looks is titled LaCroix Before Boys, and it should probably be your new life motto. (That rhyming catchphrase also ends the age-old debate on how the drink should be pronounced — it’s La-CROY, people.)
It’s not so much that the colors are stupid or that they look bad. It’s just that, well, the whole “inspired by a type of carbonated beverage that isn’t Diet Coke and that everyone hates at first but then grows to tolerate because it’s popular and also can be mixed with vodka” isn’t actually what you should color your hair based on. I mean, come on. These are the girls who say they have glitter and saltwater in their veins, post shit about how they’re actually mermaids, and are ~obsessed~ with unicorns. Hate me all you want, but you can’t say I’m wrong.
So, ladies, it’s not so much that I think your hair looks bad. It’s just that, well, I think the trend, the drink, and most likey everything about you is insufferable. Still, if it’ll get me more Instagram followers, I might actually fuck with it. I’m getting my hair done next week, and I’m feeling the need for validation from strangers on the internet..
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