Just when you thought that the world had had enough of the Kardashian/Jenner clan, 2017 happened. Between Kim getting over her Paris robbery, and breaking the internet yet again, Scott Disick cradle robbing, Rob Kardashian simply existing in the age of social media, and the entire family reproducing like rabbits, somehow, the family has left us all wondering why we’ve spent so much time keeping up with them again this year.
With two, (or three, babies to use for Instagram sponsorships on the way, as much as we hate to admit it — 2018 is going to be another year of the Kardashian. A year ago today, nothing would have made me believe that 20-year-old Kylie would get knocked up before she was able to have her first (legal) drink. Forget about any of my own major life moments, the thought of a baby Kylie with pumped up lips and brand deals is the most exciting thing to happen this year.
If 2017 was any indication, the Kardashians will continue to kardash right through 2018. Here are predictions of what they’ll do next year:
- Khloé’s growing baby bump will be her ticket to season two of Revenge Body. A baby is the perfect way to gain weight without judgment, all the while maintaining people’s interest in watching you lose said weight.
- Kim’s third child won’t be named East, but it will be something that will probably inspire both Yeezy’s next collection, as well as a bunch of young moms (who likely still wear a Kardashian branded perfume) to name their babies something artsy.
- Blac Chyna will figure out how to have another Kardashian-related baby. Maybe a Jenner? She’s going to need to become relevant again now that the gamble she took on Rob failed her miserably.
- Sofia Richie is going to get too old for Scott Disick. Seriously, if he wanted someone who had reached the big “2-0,” he probably would have just gone after Kylie… right? That would make for the perfect spin-off show: Scott & His-Considerably-Younger-Ex-Half-Sister-In-Law-That-He-Knew-When-She-Was-A-Child Take Miami!
- Kim and Kylie will engage in an all-out war. With both (allegedly) with babies on the way and makeup empires, it’s only a matter of time before they stop hiding behind their Snapchat filters and come out with a public feud. Can you imagine? Will there be merch? A Barbra Walters interview? A tell-all written by a not-so-secret ghostwriter? (PS – I am available to do this.)
- Kourtney or Kendall will have to have a baby. I’m not saying that Kris will force them, but c’mon, she’s definitely scheduling her grandchildren, right?
- Kim will continue to pretend that because she’s married to Kanye, she’s not capable of being racist. Fingers crossed that someone will fill her in.
- Kylie will have her baby. Said baby will likely make its debut wearing Louis Vuitton and the latest shade of Kylie Cosmetics lipsticks. Kylie will return to social media bigger and better than ever with her latest accessory.
- Kylie will also be rebranded as a hero for having a baby at 20. I mean, if the “Teen Mom” brand worked for Farrah Abraham…
- Kendall will have enough, leave the family and change her last name to Hadid.
- Someone will get married. Khloé, Kris, Kourtney, one of Kylie’s dogs, doesn’t matter. E! put it in the contract that they need another special.
- Mason will have his first public romance. At eight years old, he’s the perfect date for some Disney Channel star that already has more Instagram followers than you.
- People on Twitter are going to rank how cute Kim, Khloé and Kylie’s babies are, and while we’re all going to act like they’re bad people for judging babies, there will clearly be a winner.
- Someone will dominate a field that you never thought they could get their klaws into. Kylie writes a parenting book? Kim acts in an indie film? Khloé goes to kollege? Stay tuned for 2018..
Image via Shutterstock
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Hiding from my mother and standards, both of whom would disown me if they heard most of these stories. Aspiring law school student, with a chihuahua named Bruiser and a head of unnatural blonde hair. Email me your "crazy" stories or any mixed drink recipes that taste like juice, but have copious amounts of vodka in them at [email protected] Watch the bitch behind these stories at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrp2D9h3SMk&t=67s
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