5. A Letter To The Guy You’re Hooking Up With, From The Girl He’ll Never Marry: A Rebuttal
Hello Lucifer.
We meet again. It seems you’re on the other end of every penis I meet. I received your letter, and it found me well, and by well, I mean well vodka, because that’s the only thing I’ve eaten in 36 hours. Thank you for taking the time to formally explain to me that the way I’m feeling right now is actually my fault for daring to have any expectations of you. I also appreciate that you continued to alleviate any lingering feelings of guilt you may have by affirming to me that I’m beautiful, and fun, and smart, and awesome in every way. I know I’m awesome. My awesomeness, in fact, is the exact reason that you fucked this whole thing up so badly. I regret to inform you that your entire argument was completely invalidated by the first three words of it: “I like you.”
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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