Having no concrete direction in life, but still convincing everyone you’re the most successful cousin at the dinner table. TSM.

“I have stories for you.” TSM.

Not worrying that you’ll freeze in your dress, because you’ll be drunk. TSM.

Putting a sticker in your planner so you know it’s real. TSM.

“How much would the fine be if I didn’t do it?” TSM.

Being hungover at philanthropy events when you can’t be drunk. TSTC.

Drinking in letters when you’re wine drunk around the house, because you’re wild and can’t be tamed. TSM.

I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a social drinker. It only seems like a problem because I’m so popular! TSM.

Leggings: because you’re too hungover to be bothered by pants with established waistbands. TSM.

The only response to your weekend being “I’ll pray for you.” TSM.