Having a better butt than Bieber. TSM.

Bragging about your Internet stalking abilities. TSM.

Looking better for the breakup than you did for the first date. TSM.

Pretending not to know his name when you actually know the names of his mom, his dog, and his last three girlfriends. TSM.

Hobbies include drinking wine and judging people. TSM.

Laughter is the best medicine, and wine helps you get there, so basically this is like herbal tea. TSM.