Let’s start with this: the author of this article has “indroduc[ed] herself as ‘the female Johnny Manziel.'” We can deduce several things from this simple statement. You like to rage. Great! You are a voluntary slam for anywhere between four and eight guys. To each is own. Most importantly, though, we know that the whole world hates you. Chances are likely that this is because you are a raging b*tch. It’s pretty easy to pick out, noting that you wrote an entire article about your daddy issues for the world to read, but you directed it to the entire male population – primarily all of your “best friend’s” boyfriends. Your narrow-minded, “damaged sorority girl” complex can be fixed, though, so no need to fret just yet! First what you need to do is meet a halfway-decent man. What I mean is that you need to meet the kind of man who has something going for him besides his daddy’s bank account. This is someone who has decided for himself how to be a successful and contributing member of society. While it may seem a challenge at first, you must persist. Once you have acquired your target, you then must engage in an intelligent conversation with him (assuming you are capable), and – this is very important, so listen up – you CANNOT sleep with him immediately following this conversation. This will show him that you can at least fake respect for yourself, in turn, allowing him to gain respect for you, thus, countering your argument that “… in reality, he actually just hopes you’ll stop talking long enough to see your boobs and then hopefully put his penis somewhere near your mouth.” Respect AND a good conversation! That should make two exciting firsts for you! From here, I wish I could tell you exactly which route to take, but the truth is that the possibilities are endless! You could go on a date, even. Not like a date where you just get some guy to buy you dinner (and the presumably bang) like you mentioned above, but a date where you try to spend time with that. Really get to know him on an intellectual** level. I promise it’s not as hard as it sounds. Then, one day after you have been dating for a long time, you can finally dig way down and express those issues which have made you a sexist, self-loathing slut horse. Then, once and for all, you can see how a boyfriend could at the very least have the potential to be close enough to call a best friend.
** in·tel·lec·tu·al
ˌintlˈekCHo͞oəl/Submit
adjective 1. of or relating to the intellect.
“children need intellectual stimulation”
synonyms: mental, cerebral, cognitive, psychological
Editor’s note: in arguing proof of a theory, a reader’s opinion provides no support other than the backing of the writer’s own opinion. i.e. Because you and I both believe that a car is a good car does not mean that said car is actually good.
Editor’s note: the sentence in which the above editor’s note is referencing has a typo and needs revised.
Reading shit like this makes me feel like I’m still in high school.
Let’s start with this: the author of this article has “indroduc[ed] herself as ‘the female Johnny Manziel.'” We can deduce several things from this simple statement. You like to rage. Great! You are a voluntary slam for anywhere between four and eight guys. To each is own. Most importantly, though, we know that the whole world hates you. Chances are likely that this is because you are a raging b*tch. It’s pretty easy to pick out, noting that you wrote an entire article about your daddy issues for the world to read, but you directed it to the entire male population – primarily all of your “best friend’s” boyfriends. Your narrow-minded, “damaged sorority girl” complex can be fixed, though, so no need to fret just yet! First what you need to do is meet a halfway-decent man. What I mean is that you need to meet the kind of man who has something going for him besides his daddy’s bank account. This is someone who has decided for himself how to be a successful and contributing member of society. While it may seem a challenge at first, you must persist. Once you have acquired your target, you then must engage in an intelligent conversation with him (assuming you are capable), and – this is very important, so listen up – you CANNOT sleep with him immediately following this conversation. This will show him that you can at least fake respect for yourself, in turn, allowing him to gain respect for you, thus, countering your argument that “… in reality, he actually just hopes you’ll stop talking long enough to see your boobs and then hopefully put his penis somewhere near your mouth.” Respect AND a good conversation! That should make two exciting firsts for you! From here, I wish I could tell you exactly which route to take, but the truth is that the possibilities are endless! You could go on a date, even. Not like a date where you just get some guy to buy you dinner (and the presumably bang) like you mentioned above, but a date where you try to spend time with that. Really get to know him on an intellectual** level. I promise it’s not as hard as it sounds. Then, one day after you have been dating for a long time, you can finally dig way down and express those issues which have made you a sexist, self-loathing slut horse. Then, once and for all, you can see how a boyfriend could at the very least have the potential to be close enough to call a best friend.
** in·tel·lec·tu·al
ˌintlˈekCHo͞oəl/Submit
adjective 1. of or relating to the intellect.
“children need intellectual stimulation”
synonyms: mental, cerebral, cognitive, psychological
Editor’s note: in arguing proof of a theory, a reader’s opinion provides no support other than the backing of the writer’s own opinion. i.e. Because you and I both believe that a car is a good car does not mean that said car is actually good.
Editor’s note: the sentence in which the above editor’s note is referencing has a typo and needs revised.