“My cheeks got burnt at the tailgate. I’m chill about it, though, because now I have like a natural contour.” TSM.

Playing bid or no bid on the first day of classes, even in law school. TSM.

What Little wants, Little gets. TSM.

Who needs a boyfriend when you have your body pillow and a vibrator? TSM.

Selling your clothes to pay for alcohol. TSM.

Surviving off vodka, coffee, and attention. TSM.

Being Standards Chair but also most likely to be sent to standards. TSM.

Douche: “Hey”
Me: “New phone, I have your number but I lost my interest in talking to you.” TSM.

Being in charge of planning for sorority recruitment is like planning for a beautiful war. TSM.

When nothing goes right, go craft shopping. TSM.