Glitter in your wine is basically goldschlager, right? TSM.

I’ll drink responsibly when there’s a brand of vodka called “Responsibly.” TSM.

I hope the earring I lost in his bed punctures him in his sleep. TSTC.

“You look expensive.” TSM.

Pregaming the alcohol awareness seminar. TSM.

Knowing it’s getting serious when you’re upgraded from shacker shirt to shacker sweatshirt. TSM.