It’s a grey area, but he consented by getting a condom. If he wants to be safe, in the future he should just say, “hey is it okay to get a condom?” and wait until she tells him yes, before he does. Stop bitching and be part of the solution.
Wow you dudes on here just love defending “rape-ey” actions, don’t you? Oh wait, let’s talk about all the legal loopholes instead of the fact that this guy had sex with someone who didn’t want it AT THE TIME IT WAS HAPPENING! She didn’t wake up the next day, like “wow that was dumb” and regret it. She knew in the moment it wasn’t okay and he didn’t stop to verify. You use a debit/credit card and have to enter a pin or sign to verify before using it, right? Guess who that protects? The merchant (i.e. the chick in this metaphor) and YOU the card-owner! Does it mean all card owners are committing fraud? No, but some asshole did and now we all have to be extra careful. That’s not a double standard, that’s called risk management. You just can’t be bothered to verify a chick wants sex before you put your dick in her? Ya, what a drag and inconvenience for you.
Look, I’m not saying men don’t bear some burden, but really if this story were flipped and some drunk girl put her finger or anything else in your butt and you were drunk and just ignored it because addressing it would be more awkward but secretly were disgusted, you’d be like, “ya i really wish she would have asked before she put something in my butt”. Rape isn’t about how to use the law to your advantage, it’s about human decency and respect. If you want to take some chick to court because she’s puts a finger in you’re butt, I’m cool with that. Technically, that’s rape. But most likely, you will feel, much like this girl did, that it wasn’t worth the hassle and awkwardness to even confront her about it, despite what the law says was or wasn’t legal. That said, next time all parties should just ask, right?
such BS. Look it’s pretty simple: if the girl’s really wasted then yes, it’s the responsibility of the dude to make damn well sure that she’s DTF. And if she’s not, it’s on him because it really shouldn’t be that hard to figure it out. “You’re so hot, I want you, do you want me?”…dead silence? Probably no, she doesn’t want you, chump.
It’s really not that much to ask to make sure that before you put your dick in something, the other party enthusiastically wants it too. That’s not a double standard, that’s being careful, for both parties, so that nothing gets weird later.
You want to be equal? Aw that’s cute. For the rest of your life these men will on average make more then you, have all the social luxuries in life that men get at the expense of women (read the book Lean In), never be slut shamed, have to bear children, never have to worry about HPV even though they spread it around, etc. I think they can deal, with having one small extra burden in life by asking a drunk chick if she’s DTF before taking liberties. Cry me a fucking river.
Um this is crap! What, suddenly the world has a set supply of compassion for only people who experience crimes in the worst of ways? When did having a conversation about sex and boundaries start robbing “real rape victims” of their validity? What the author is talking about hear is exactly why states and college campuses are making rape laws that call for an “enthusiastic yes” from women as consent. Just because you haven’t experienced it and obviously have no heart, doesn’t mean this doesn’t exist. If I’m sleeping and some prick puts it in and I wake up to having sex, does that make it okay too? If I said I’m not mad at the guy and don’t want him to get in trouble it’s because it’s not worth the fucking hassle not because I want publicity. Strong women in the world don’t say shit like this for attention, they say it to start a dialogue.
K I’ll add to this. If women weren’t slut shamed for enjoying sex and enthusiastically asking for it, there wouldn’t be women in the first place that as boy says “say no but mean yes”. If their timidly doing this, it’s probably because we have a social norm that tells us to behave like ladies and to say no and eventually give in garners more respect somehow that just saying “ya fuck me, let’s go”. Men say they don’t care, but they do. Some men don’t go for women when they’re too openly sexual. Some do. There’s a lot of fish in the sea. Rape consent is established to protect the majority. God forbid, you have to communicate to iron out that she’s actually into it! I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re downside risk is not getting laid. Her downside risk is getting raped. And to be honest, if these girls think you should take a “no as yes”, they’re crazy bitches anyways. Move on and find a hot chick that wants you bad enough to tell you she wants it. She’ll probably be better in bed anyway.
or she’s watering it down because she was raped and doesn’t want to feel like a victim.
Wow, kudos! Pretty much the only man on here to get it right! Thanks
It’s a grey area, but he consented by getting a condom. If he wants to be safe, in the future he should just say, “hey is it okay to get a condom?” and wait until she tells him yes, before he does. Stop bitching and be part of the solution.
Wow you dudes on here just love defending “rape-ey” actions, don’t you? Oh wait, let’s talk about all the legal loopholes instead of the fact that this guy had sex with someone who didn’t want it AT THE TIME IT WAS HAPPENING! She didn’t wake up the next day, like “wow that was dumb” and regret it. She knew in the moment it wasn’t okay and he didn’t stop to verify. You use a debit/credit card and have to enter a pin or sign to verify before using it, right? Guess who that protects? The merchant (i.e. the chick in this metaphor) and YOU the card-owner! Does it mean all card owners are committing fraud? No, but some asshole did and now we all have to be extra careful. That’s not a double standard, that’s called risk management. You just can’t be bothered to verify a chick wants sex before you put your dick in her? Ya, what a drag and inconvenience for you.
Look, I’m not saying men don’t bear some burden, but really if this story were flipped and some drunk girl put her finger or anything else in your butt and you were drunk and just ignored it because addressing it would be more awkward but secretly were disgusted, you’d be like, “ya i really wish she would have asked before she put something in my butt”. Rape isn’t about how to use the law to your advantage, it’s about human decency and respect. If you want to take some chick to court because she’s puts a finger in you’re butt, I’m cool with that. Technically, that’s rape. But most likely, you will feel, much like this girl did, that it wasn’t worth the hassle and awkwardness to even confront her about it, despite what the law says was or wasn’t legal. That said, next time all parties should just ask, right?
such BS. Look it’s pretty simple: if the girl’s really wasted then yes, it’s the responsibility of the dude to make damn well sure that she’s DTF. And if she’s not, it’s on him because it really shouldn’t be that hard to figure it out. “You’re so hot, I want you, do you want me?”…dead silence? Probably no, she doesn’t want you, chump.
It’s really not that much to ask to make sure that before you put your dick in something, the other party enthusiastically wants it too. That’s not a double standard, that’s being careful, for both parties, so that nothing gets weird later.
You want to be equal? Aw that’s cute. For the rest of your life these men will on average make more then you, have all the social luxuries in life that men get at the expense of women (read the book Lean In), never be slut shamed, have to bear children, never have to worry about HPV even though they spread it around, etc. I think they can deal, with having one small extra burden in life by asking a drunk chick if she’s DTF before taking liberties. Cry me a fucking river.
Um this is crap! What, suddenly the world has a set supply of compassion for only people who experience crimes in the worst of ways? When did having a conversation about sex and boundaries start robbing “real rape victims” of their validity? What the author is talking about hear is exactly why states and college campuses are making rape laws that call for an “enthusiastic yes” from women as consent. Just because you haven’t experienced it and obviously have no heart, doesn’t mean this doesn’t exist. If I’m sleeping and some prick puts it in and I wake up to having sex, does that make it okay too? If I said I’m not mad at the guy and don’t want him to get in trouble it’s because it’s not worth the fucking hassle not because I want publicity. Strong women in the world don’t say shit like this for attention, they say it to start a dialogue.
K I’ll add to this. If women weren’t slut shamed for enjoying sex and enthusiastically asking for it, there wouldn’t be women in the first place that as boy says “say no but mean yes”. If their timidly doing this, it’s probably because we have a social norm that tells us to behave like ladies and to say no and eventually give in garners more respect somehow that just saying “ya fuck me, let’s go”. Men say they don’t care, but they do. Some men don’t go for women when they’re too openly sexual. Some do. There’s a lot of fish in the sea. Rape consent is established to protect the majority. God forbid, you have to communicate to iron out that she’s actually into it! I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re downside risk is not getting laid. Her downside risk is getting raped. And to be honest, if these girls think you should take a “no as yes”, they’re crazy bitches anyways. Move on and find a hot chick that wants you bad enough to tell you she wants it. She’ll probably be better in bed anyway.