Obviously it sucks that people have shitty big/little relationships, but I am glad that I’m not alone in this camp. My big and I have had problems for a long time now, and whenever I try to put aside the fights and frustration and talk to her like a civil human being, she completely throws it back in my face. She absolutely refuses to try at all. So I walked away. She will always be my big in name because our chapter does not allow you to take another big, but I do not consider her my big at all. I’m lucky that my twin and I get along fabulously, and I have another sister that I can look up to as a mentor in the chapter, but it’s still not quite the same as having a great relationship with your big.
It sucks, and I really wish I had a fantastic relationship with her, but she refuses to put any effort into the relationship, and always blames anything that goes wrong on me. And she doesn’t get that I have my own problems and that sometimes I need her help with them, and that sometimes that help includes sticking up for me when a sister tries to get me kicked out of the chapter because I dared to want the same little she wanted.
Normally I don’t respond to articles, but when my sorority’s creed was one of those quoted, it ticked me off a little. You quote part of our creed, and then later claim that chapters don’t vote by their creeds. While I can’t explain our voting process because it is considered ritual, I can tell you that our voting process is 1) definitely by our creed, and 2) just as hard on the actives as it is on the PNMs. Especially on the first round, when we have to vote on every single PNM, we really only have a couple of 20-minute conversations and a piece of paper to go off of. We don’t like this as much as the PNMs don’t like it. But there really isn’t much of another way. And as we get to know the PNMs, it gets harder and harder to make cuts. We have to make cuts though, and it’s heartbreaking to see my sisters vote to release a PNM that could have made an absolutely wonderful sister. Usually, when we release a girl, it’s not because we don’t like her, but because we only have a certain number of spots. We have a lot to think about–will these girls fit in the chapter? with each other? What will each girl bring to the chapter as a whole? How will she benefit from us? How will we benefit from her? So, usually, when a girl is released, it’s not because she wouldn’t have been a good fit (though that can definitely also be the case), but because other girls just fit better. You are not currently in a position to judge a chapter’s voting process because you have never seen it. So please have enough respect for the sorority as a national whole, if not for the sisters on your campus.
My advise to you would be to try going through informal recruitment, if your school does that. It’s more personal, and the chapter gets to know you better. I much prefer informal recruitment to formal recruitment, especially from this side (I went through formal recruitment), but it just isn’t feasible for formal recruitment to be run the same way. There are just plain too many girls going through.
Obviously it sucks that people have shitty big/little relationships, but I am glad that I’m not alone in this camp. My big and I have had problems for a long time now, and whenever I try to put aside the fights and frustration and talk to her like a civil human being, she completely throws it back in my face. She absolutely refuses to try at all. So I walked away. She will always be my big in name because our chapter does not allow you to take another big, but I do not consider her my big at all. I’m lucky that my twin and I get along fabulously, and I have another sister that I can look up to as a mentor in the chapter, but it’s still not quite the same as having a great relationship with your big.
It sucks, and I really wish I had a fantastic relationship with her, but she refuses to put any effort into the relationship, and always blames anything that goes wrong on me. And she doesn’t get that I have my own problems and that sometimes I need her help with them, and that sometimes that help includes sticking up for me when a sister tries to get me kicked out of the chapter because I dared to want the same little she wanted.
Normally I don’t respond to articles, but when my sorority’s creed was one of those quoted, it ticked me off a little. You quote part of our creed, and then later claim that chapters don’t vote by their creeds. While I can’t explain our voting process because it is considered ritual, I can tell you that our voting process is 1) definitely by our creed, and 2) just as hard on the actives as it is on the PNMs. Especially on the first round, when we have to vote on every single PNM, we really only have a couple of 20-minute conversations and a piece of paper to go off of. We don’t like this as much as the PNMs don’t like it. But there really isn’t much of another way. And as we get to know the PNMs, it gets harder and harder to make cuts. We have to make cuts though, and it’s heartbreaking to see my sisters vote to release a PNM that could have made an absolutely wonderful sister. Usually, when we release a girl, it’s not because we don’t like her, but because we only have a certain number of spots. We have a lot to think about–will these girls fit in the chapter? with each other? What will each girl bring to the chapter as a whole? How will she benefit from us? How will we benefit from her? So, usually, when a girl is released, it’s not because she wouldn’t have been a good fit (though that can definitely also be the case), but because other girls just fit better. You are not currently in a position to judge a chapter’s voting process because you have never seen it. So please have enough respect for the sorority as a national whole, if not for the sisters on your campus.
My advise to you would be to try going through informal recruitment, if your school does that. It’s more personal, and the chapter gets to know you better. I much prefer informal recruitment to formal recruitment, especially from this side (I went through formal recruitment), but it just isn’t feasible for formal recruitment to be run the same way. There are just plain too many girls going through.