Getting the entire bar to sing “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” to your boyfriend when he gets home from Afghanistan. TSM.

Where are my keys? Phone? Dignity? Whatever, best two out of three. TSM.

I shaved my legs for this. It better be worth it. TSM.

“But then I found out he was a democrat, so I ended it.” TSM.

Inviting your slampiece over to hook up, but not before he gives you the notes for the class you skipped for brunch. TSM.

Being more prepared for spring break than you are for midterms. TSM.

Sewing your boyfriend’s pants button back on after you aggressively rip it off. TSM.

As I walk through the valley in the shadow of the frat house, I will fear no standards, for my vodka and whiskey they comfort me. TSM.

Sorry I made you look fat for the sake of myself look skinny with my skinny app. TSM.