Spring break plans? Get hella turnt and somewhat burnt. TSM.

Moms’ Weekend turning your crazy, semi-alcoholic friends into wholesome girls you don’t even recognize. TSM.

“Is vodka a carb?” TSM.

“Drunk calories don’t count, right?”
“No, and drunk words don’t either.” TSM.

There is a special place in heaven for boys who understand the importance of asking you to formal in the most public and extravagant way possible. TSM.

Having the body of a trophy wife and the brains of a surgeon. TSM.