It’s obviously not consent, because she didn’t consent to it. She didn’t want it. She didn’t ask for it and he never asked if she wanted it. He assumed. You’re completely right – MEN CAN’T READ YOUR MIND. Or anyone. No one can read your mind. People have to buck up and realize this and fucking ASK before having sex with anyone. She, possibly too intoxicated to make proper decisions or possibly too pressured, didn’t speak up. But, he never asked. They were not in a relationship, they did not know each other’s sexual lives very well – he had no business making THAT assumption. It IS a rapey grey area.
I’m of the mindset that this entire encounter needs to change. This idea of ENTHUSIASTIC consent needs to be spread around campuses, not just this idea of “I can keep going until she says ‘no’, and if she doesn’t say anything, no matter the clues I’m getting from her, yay me!”
If someone was staring at the ceiling and I was trying to have sex with them, I’d stop. There are some serious nonverbal cues here.
I have a boyfriend. I love flirting with him, making out with him, touching him. But he always – every single time – asks me before we take it a step further. A little, “This okay?” with a subsequent “Yes” from me never ruins the mood and makes sure that everyone’s on board with what’s about to happen. THAT is consensual sex. Having a drunk girl in your bed that you are kissing and then going for the condom, not a peep from her, is not consensual.
Because, if he would have asked, she would have said no. By not asking, a drunk girl that already feels pressure from society and everyone to ‘put out’ and feels as though she was asking for it the whole time and can’t say no, won’t say no.
Why don’t you have to ask? Why are you assuming that we want sex?
It’s obviously not consent, because she didn’t consent to it. She didn’t want it. She didn’t ask for it and he never asked if she wanted it. He assumed. You’re completely right – MEN CAN’T READ YOUR MIND. Or anyone. No one can read your mind. People have to buck up and realize this and fucking ASK before having sex with anyone. She, possibly too intoxicated to make proper decisions or possibly too pressured, didn’t speak up. But, he never asked. They were not in a relationship, they did not know each other’s sexual lives very well – he had no business making THAT assumption. It IS a rapey grey area.
I’m of the mindset that this entire encounter needs to change. This idea of ENTHUSIASTIC consent needs to be spread around campuses, not just this idea of “I can keep going until she says ‘no’, and if she doesn’t say anything, no matter the clues I’m getting from her, yay me!”
If someone was staring at the ceiling and I was trying to have sex with them, I’d stop. There are some serious nonverbal cues here.
I have a boyfriend. I love flirting with him, making out with him, touching him. But he always – every single time – asks me before we take it a step further. A little, “This okay?” with a subsequent “Yes” from me never ruins the mood and makes sure that everyone’s on board with what’s about to happen. THAT is consensual sex. Having a drunk girl in your bed that you are kissing and then going for the condom, not a peep from her, is not consensual.
Because, if he would have asked, she would have said no. By not asking, a drunk girl that already feels pressure from society and everyone to ‘put out’ and feels as though she was asking for it the whole time and can’t say no, won’t say no.