Where are my keys? Phone? Dignity? Whatever, best two out of three. TSM.

Memorizing your credit card number way before you memorize any of your notes, because you online shop far more often than you study. TSM.

Being more prepared for spring break than you are for midterms. TSM.

Sewing your boyfriend’s pants button back on after you aggressively rip it off. TSM.

Getting more excited about the craft than you are for the event you’re crafting for. TSM.

I like my coffee as ice cold as my heart. TSM.

As I walk through the valley in the shadow of the frat house, I will fear no standards, for my vodka and whiskey they comfort me. TSM.