I’m not actually funny, I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking. TSM.

Wait, let me find a better picture of him… TSM.

Meeting someone that you’ve already Facebook creeped on and pretending not to know anything about them. TSM.

Smelling your water bottles to make sure they’re filled with actual water and not vodka. TSM.

Don’t marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son just like him. TSM.

I’m going to marry you. Plan your life accordingly. TSM.

When we Skype I spend way more time looking at myself than looking at you. TSM.

Boys being called by their last names is such a turn-on. TSM.

Fraternity house bathroom heart-to-hearts. TSM.