She kissed my boyfriend once, so I hate her chapter. TSM.

I’ll drink responsibly when there’s a brand of vodka called “Responsibly.” TSM.

Falling asleep cuddling a bottle of Jack. TSM.

Every empty bottle has a story. TSM.

Glittering your Xanax. TSM.

Refusing to play his snapchat story. TSM.

“Does this outfit make me look like I’d make a good wife?” TSM.

If you’re a bird, I’m someone who shoots birds for sport. TSM.

Dress to the nines. Sparkle like a ten. TSM.

Turning your letter shirt inside out for the walk of shame, because you respect your sorority enough not to shame it, but not enough to keep you from doing the shameful thing. TSM.