All I need to get through today is a little tequila and a whole ‘lotta Jesus. TSM.

Drunk enough to make wildly embarrassing decisions. Not drunk enough to forget them. TSM.

Blacking out is God’s way of saying, “Don’t worry about it.” TSM.

“Every time we relate to a TSM, drink your moscato.” -how to finish a bottle of wine in five minutes. TSTC.

Seeing your g-big on campus and literally attacking her in the middle of the student union. TSM.

Behind every great girl is a great gay. TSM.

Resting up FOR the weekend, not OVER the weekend. TSM.

Sometimes, I just want to punch drunk me in the face. TSM.

“I’m not into exercise. If God wanted me to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor.” -Joan Rivers. TSM.