Sometimes, I wonder how all those drunk girls I’ve bonded with in bathrooms are doing. TSM.

“Is vodka a carb?” TSM.

“Drunk calories don’t count, right?”
“No, and drunk words don’t either.” TSM.

Dressing like you’re in a sorority. Drinking like you’re in a fraternity. TSM.

Having the body of a trophy wife and the brains of a surgeon. TSM.

“It ain’t my fault when I walk and jaws drop.” -Miranda Lambert. TSM.

Crafting your second form of ID. TSM.

“If you don’t want to date me that’s fine, but you’re wrong and I hate you.”- Workaholics. TSM.