There are a lot of things that I would do for my sisters, but being a sober sister at formal is absolutely not one of them. TSM.

Whoever decided to put girl scout cookie season right before Spring Break is evil. TSM.

I wear heels bigger than your penis. TSM.

My sorority was founded before “sorority” was even a word. TSM.

I’m not a slampiece, I’m a take-home-to-meet-the-fam-piece. TSM.

Getting the sudden urge to rear-end anyone with an Obama 2008 bumper sticker. TSM.

The only boys that can get below my Mason-Dixon Line are those who have pledged under it. TSM.

All I want for Christmas is a Tiffany’s bracelet and my period. TSM.

Being a Jackie, not a Marilyn. TSM.