Wine is a win with an ‘e’ on the end. TSM.

If Angelina Jolie can divorce from Brad Pitt, you can get over a mediocre frat boy. TSM.

Venmo-ing him for Plan B. TSTC.

Inviting a boy over just to get his Netflix password. TSM.

Coming to the conclusion you’re not cut out for motherhood due to the fact you wouldn’t be able to have wine for 9 months. TSM.

Boyfriend: “You keep making jokes about being crazy but I don’t really think you are”
Me: “LOL just wait.” TSM.

Feeling most accomplished when checking things off in your planner. TSM.

“I’m pretty enough to get away with it.” TSTC.

Standards officially giving up on you because they know they can’t control you. TSM.