Making sure my big takes her birth control so I don’t have to share her with an actual baby. TSM.

Classy ladies never have one night stands. We just held auditions and you didn’t get a callback. TSM.

There are only two reasons to wear white after Labor Day: your wedding and, of course, initiation. TSM.

That awkward moment when you must end on a pro and no one has anything to say. TSM.

I can shop, cook and clean like my momma, but I can also hunt, fish and drink like my daddy. TSM.

It’s only a walk of shame if you’re ashamed of what you did. TSM.

Jennifer Aniston being totally disgusted by Ben Affleck’s cargo pants in He’s Just Not That into You. TSM.

If you like Southern gentlemen, raise your glasses. If you don’t, raise your standards. TSM.

Picking your bridesmaids before you pick the groom. TSM.