“Talking” isn’t the only problem with our generation’s approach to dating. It’s how we’re actually dating that’s the problem. Maybe I’m misunderstanding what you’re trying to convey here, but if you’re referring to “talking” as the “getting-to-know-someone-that-you’ve-recently-met-and-are-interested-in” part of the dating process, it definitely doesn’t need a time limit on it. Two months of getting to know someone before making things official really isn’t an extensive period of time. We all lead busy lives. There’s no way that eight weeks will give two people enough time to truly get to know one another to be able to establish a solid foundation for a healthy and happy dating relationship. The two-month time frame you’ve proposed here isn’t realistic.
Our generation’s biggest problem with dating is that we don’t date with marriage in mind. We date to pass time or to have some intimate company that we can count on. We don’t take dating seriously because we try to make things too serious too quickly. You even said it yourself: “Get to know the person, find out if your babies would be pretty, and make that shit official.” Is that really all there is to figure out before you enter a relationship?
You’re right that there’s too much obsessiveness. A picture on Instagram is just a picture on Instagram. Tag him if you want. Add emojis if you want. If he wants to like it or comment on it, then he will. And if he doesn’t, then maybe he just didn’t feel like it or maybe he didn’t like the picture. So what? If a lack of a comment or a like causes one of you to question the entire friendship/relationship, then it wasn’t a very solid one to begin with.
Your post revolves around the role technology plays in our relationships. There’s really nothing else that you mention that poses any problems to the relationship. There are a few things that I want to address:
First, texting should not be the primary mode of communication. There’s no need for anyone to be in contact by text throughout the day when you’re just getting to know each other. Even when dating, texting throughout the day is excessive. Text conversations are for kids. Text when you want to say hi or what’s up, but CALL if you want to make plans or have something to say that you want responded to immediately. Save the full-blown conversations for in person or when you’re close enough that he isn’t bothered by being kept on the phone for an extended length of time.
Second, whether you’re in a relationship with the guy or not, it’s never okay to be psycho. Keeping track of who he’s talking to is crossing the line. You said that “privacy is still a ‘thing’ you need to respect, because you aren’t dating”. *insert wide-eyed emoji* Both his and your privacy should be respected at all times, regardless if you are dating or not. There’s no such thing as having “dibs” on someone. We’re all free to do as we choose at any point in time. If one of you decides to get involved with someone else, then that’s fair. That’s the risk we take when letting our guards down. You should be comfortable with that idea before trying to get into any kind of relationship that isn’t marriage.
Your discussion of the “talking” phase isn’t how it’s supposed to be, which I think was your point. But I don’t think you have a healthy understanding of the concept either. You asked if “talking” was a thing 30 years ago. My answer is yes, and it was called “courting”. Our generation has simply lost all respect for one another’s time, space, privacy, and freedom once we decide that we want to be in a relationship with someone. The dating process shouldn’t be rushed. Honest and open communication is always the solution to this problem so both people are aware of how the other person feels and what they expect. There will be no confusion if this is done from the start.
“Talking” isn’t the only problem with our generation’s approach to dating. It’s how we’re actually dating that’s the problem. Maybe I’m misunderstanding what you’re trying to convey here, but if you’re referring to “talking” as the “getting-to-know-someone-that-you’ve-recently-met-and-are-interested-in” part of the dating process, it definitely doesn’t need a time limit on it. Two months of getting to know someone before making things official really isn’t an extensive period of time. We all lead busy lives. There’s no way that eight weeks will give two people enough time to truly get to know one another to be able to establish a solid foundation for a healthy and happy dating relationship. The two-month time frame you’ve proposed here isn’t realistic.
Our generation’s biggest problem with dating is that we don’t date with marriage in mind. We date to pass time or to have some intimate company that we can count on. We don’t take dating seriously because we try to make things too serious too quickly. You even said it yourself: “Get to know the person, find out if your babies would be pretty, and make that shit official.” Is that really all there is to figure out before you enter a relationship?
You’re right that there’s too much obsessiveness. A picture on Instagram is just a picture on Instagram. Tag him if you want. Add emojis if you want. If he wants to like it or comment on it, then he will. And if he doesn’t, then maybe he just didn’t feel like it or maybe he didn’t like the picture. So what? If a lack of a comment or a like causes one of you to question the entire friendship/relationship, then it wasn’t a very solid one to begin with.
Your post revolves around the role technology plays in our relationships. There’s really nothing else that you mention that poses any problems to the relationship. There are a few things that I want to address:
First, texting should not be the primary mode of communication. There’s no need for anyone to be in contact by text throughout the day when you’re just getting to know each other. Even when dating, texting throughout the day is excessive. Text conversations are for kids. Text when you want to say hi or what’s up, but CALL if you want to make plans or have something to say that you want responded to immediately. Save the full-blown conversations for in person or when you’re close enough that he isn’t bothered by being kept on the phone for an extended length of time.
Second, whether you’re in a relationship with the guy or not, it’s never okay to be psycho. Keeping track of who he’s talking to is crossing the line. You said that “privacy is still a ‘thing’ you need to respect, because you aren’t dating”. *insert wide-eyed emoji* Both his and your privacy should be respected at all times, regardless if you are dating or not. There’s no such thing as having “dibs” on someone. We’re all free to do as we choose at any point in time. If one of you decides to get involved with someone else, then that’s fair. That’s the risk we take when letting our guards down. You should be comfortable with that idea before trying to get into any kind of relationship that isn’t marriage.
Your discussion of the “talking” phase isn’t how it’s supposed to be, which I think was your point. But I don’t think you have a healthy understanding of the concept either. You asked if “talking” was a thing 30 years ago. My answer is yes, and it was called “courting”. Our generation has simply lost all respect for one another’s time, space, privacy, and freedom once we decide that we want to be in a relationship with someone. The dating process shouldn’t be rushed. Honest and open communication is always the solution to this problem so both people are aware of how the other person feels and what they expect. There will be no confusion if this is done from the start.