Being the go-to matchmaker during formal season, because your boyfriend is in “the hot fraternity.” TSM.

Can I add “TSM Famous” to my résumé? TSM.

Reading your sorority’s newsletter instead of doing your class reading. TSM.

Blacking out is God’s way of saying, “Don’t worry about it.” TSM.

I wish I could just monogram my boyfriend so everyone would know he was mine. TSM.

Never knowing what’s happening in class, but always knowing what’s happening over the weekend. TSM.

Caring more about what award you win at formal than who you bring to it. TSM.

Always on Tinder, sometimes swiping right, never messaging back. TSM.

Sending a bag full of glitter to a girl you hate, because it isn’t allowed in the house. And, well, because she’s satan’s mistress. TSTC.

Hand-picking who his brothers bring to formal. TSM.