“Whenever I break up with a guy, he gets fat. It’s a gift.” TSM.

Going on a diet for recruitment purposes. TSM.

Feeling famous cause someone you don’t even know hates your guts. TSM.

Never having to be asked if you have hot friends. TSM.

Insisting younger siblings watch Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, and Clueless because their education is important to you. TSM.

Forgetting to remove your monograms when using your fake, but getting in anyway. TSM.

Never doing the walk of shame, because you don’t travel to hook up. You make them come to you. TSM.

I never want to see alcohol again…today. TSM.

Chasing vodka with Moscato. TSTC.

Pretending not to know his name when you actually know the names of his mom, his dog, and his last three girlfriends. TSM.