Facebook creeping PNMs with your mother, who is a legacy. TSM.

The Bachelorette flipping a coin to see whether she wants a guy to stay or not. TSM.

If his name doesn’t end in a roman numeral, the evening won’t end with my pearls on his nightstand. TSM.

Wearing an American flag bikini on the lake for Memorial Day. TSM.

Having impossible standards. TSM.

Wearing a size large t-shirt doesn’t mean you’re fat, but if it fits properly…you are fat. TSM.

Ironing my apron. TSM.

Already found the Class of 2015 Facebook group for my university. Rush stalking starts now. TSM.

Perfecting the skinny arm, leg pop, sorority squat, drink-behind-the-back pose. TSM.

Using a whisk instead of a mixer to burn more calories. TSM.

Candice Crawford and Tony Romo – The Royal Wedding of Dallas. TSM.

Future LAX Moms of America. TSM.

Boycott Urban Outfitters! Wait, I don’t shop there anyways because I prefer not to look like a dirty hippie. TSM.

After baking cupcakes for Memorial Day, I had an overwhelming compulsion to use the excess egg yolks to make aioli, and then a sandwich. TSM.

“Curling iron burns” are the perfect excuse to try out my new Lilly summer scarf. TSM.

Jackie O’s style. Nancy R’s taste in men. TSM.

Wine: how classy people get shitfaced. TSM.

Our token Asian girl is totes cuter than your token Asian girl. TSM.

The fear of missing out if you stay in. TSM.

This weekend is truly a celebration of the red white and blue. But mostly red, thank God I started my period today. TSM.