My mom knows when I’m hammered. TSM.

I’ve never had anyone “bless my heart.” TSM.

Not being an ugly legacy. TSM.

“She’s not even pretty!” TSM.

Doing most everything on the TFM Wall, but not in public. TSM.

Giving copies of “True Prep” for graduation presents. TSM.

B finally getting her prince. TSM.

My fratdaddy is also my high school sweetheart, college sweetheart, med school sweetheart, and fiancé. TSM.

Summer in The Hamptons. TSM.

“See you around” does not mean “See you next round.” TSM.

Clicking my red sole Christian Louboutin slippers three times and repeating “There’s no place like Neiman’s.” TSM.

Good genes in good jeans. TSM.

“Go like my status.” TSM.

Blackballing girls with belly button piercings. TSM.

Every girl in my coloring book had blonde hair and blue eyes. TSM.

Naming inanimate objects. TSM.

I’ve perfected the bitch stare hidden with a smile. TSM.

Jen Brady. NS. Marsha Brady. TSM.

When I die, I want my gravestone to be monogrammed. TSM.

Why did Blair and Serena never join a sorority? Totes would make Gossip Girl better. TSM.